10 Potential Reasons Why Nike's SNKRS App Won't Let Me Be Great

This past weekend I did what I’ve done almost every weekend this year: took another L on the Nike SNKRS app. If you’re into buying sneakers, I’m sure some (if not most) of you can feel me.

What is the SNKRS app?

I’m glad you asked.

The SNKRS app is the means by which Nike often does drops of releasing sneakers, especially exclusive shoes like those in Nike’s collaboration with Virgil Abloh’s Off-White, Jordan retro releases and speciality shoes. Some of the shoes slated for the SNKRS app also drop in retail stores, but some do not. For more instance, last month when the highly coveted Air Jordan 4 Off-White Sail dropped, the SNKRS app (and assorted raffles) were the only way to get them, whereas LeBron James’ signature shoes can both be purchased on the app and/or in-stores. THOUGH, when the Lakers won the NBA Championship a few nights ago, there was a LeBron 18 shock-drop made available on the app where only some Nike members were notified—I wasn’t one of them. Point is, SNKRS is where everybody who is into the art and science of sneakers goes to try their luck. It is also where many of us go to get humbled.

And why does it all matter? Well, if you don’t get the shoes for retail, you’re relegated to having to find shoes you really want on the resale market where shoes that go for $250 at retail or SNKRS (which is admittedly steep) can go for double or even triple—depending on your shoe size—on the resale market.

Back to my own personal journey. This past weekend, on October 10 at 10 a.m. ET, the Air Jordan 4 PSG (which stands for Paris Saint-Germain) were released via the app and I was waiting with my thumb hovering over the “coming soon” button, waiting for it to change to $225 and as soon as it did, I made my move. Apparently so did the rest of you motherfuckers because I took ANOTHER L. In fact, in the calendar year 2020, the ONLY shoe I managed to hit on SNKRS was the Air Jordan 7 GC “Chili Red,” a shoe I hated so much upon receiving it in the mail I actually sold it IMMEDIATELY on GOAT (one of several sneaker resale sites; StockX is probably the most popular) and only made like $10 bucks after the fact. I didn’t even try them on. Prior to that, my last successful encounter with the SNKRS app was the Air Jordan 11 Breds (2019; the year makes a difference) in December; I took those shoes with me to Ghana and tip-toed in my Jordans all over Accra.

The SNKRS app keeps track of all your “wins.” I really wish they’d keep track of all my Ls because of those, I takes aplenty. I used to take it personally but it’s Tuesday, big things are poppin’ and I’ve taken a more logical emotion-less approach to wondering why I can’t seem to hit for shit on the SNKRS app anymore.

Allow me to offer a completely rational, highly likely (unlikely?) list of 10 potential reasons why the SNKRS app won’t let me be great anymore.

Maybe God thinks the shoes I keep trying to cop are neither ugly, nor pretty and mostly just doesn’t want me to have them. I mean, I like the PSG 4s but maybe God doesn’t think they’d look good on my feet.

I mean, maybe Nike is really in the business of saving marriages, families and bank accounts.

Probably this one is the real reason if we’re being honest.

Yeah, okay.

I’m back to this because it’s probably true.

Did I say this already? Not sure.

SNKRS, again, is on that “save the marriage” tip. I, however, feel that it is impossible to have too many shoes. My wife might agree. I’d like the record to reflect that there is nothing wrong with requesting that your shoes get their own, climate-controlled room for themselves, nor is it odd to spend time with your shoes where you offer encouraging words and affirmations to one’s shoes. That’s normal.

Folks use bots to score on the app. This is probably the most likely reason.

I see you.

Yep, back to this.