100 Things Not To Do #WhileBlack

#LivingWhileBlack is tough. It seems that just by living our black-ass lives and minding our black-ass business, we are subject to all types of nonsensical terror, ranging from unfounded 911 calls to death. It doesn’t matter if you are a billionaire, Bob Marley’s granddaughter, an NBA player, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, a pageant queen, or T.I.—if you are black, you in danger, girl.

Here’s a list of ordinary activities, that if done while black (and often, when brown), can get us a 911 call, arrested, fined, jailed, cussed out, threatened, or worse—killed.

Studying at your own campus’ law library

Cheering on your son at a soccer game

Sitting in your assigned seat on an airplane

Building a community garden

Waiting outside of a gas station while other members of your group get refreshments inside

Babysitting white children

Riding in the car with your white grandmother

Move your own belongings into your own home

Fouling a white man who is playing basketball with you

Swimming at the pool in your own apartment complex

And… swimming at your own neighborhood pool

And… wearing socks at your own neighborhood pool

And… wearing a hijab (and cotton) at the pool

Selling water without a permit (at 8 years old)

Using a coupon at CVS

And… using a digital coupon at Dollar General

Waiting for your Uber in the rain

Having a business meeting at Starbucks

Pushing your own baby around the park in his stroller

Leaving a bodega while wearing a bookbag (at 9 years old)

Just existing in your own home

Donating to the homeless

Being happy, while a white woman is sad

Cutting your neighbor’s lawn (at 12 years old)

Riding your bike

Delivering newspapers

Napping in your own dorm common room

Being a billionaire and checking into your hotel while wearing sunglasses

Getting on an elevator

Accidentally wetting your neighbor’s house while playing on your Slip-N-Slide (at 12 years old)

Not removing your bandanna

Being upset about your father’s arrest (at 10 years old)

Trying to cash a check for $140 (at 78 years old)

Being the victim of physical assault by your racist neighbors

Trying to file a baggage claim and asking for the manager

Buying snacks

Roaming around the park (at ages 9-12)

Conducting city-mandated inspections at your life-saving job as a firefighter

Owning your own business and attempting to open it to get the day started

Renting an Airbnb

Entering your own gated neighborhood

Eating at Subway as a family, on the way back from grandmother’s birthday

Smoking cigarettes in your own parking lot

Entering your own vehicle

“Stealing” someone’s parking spot in a public lot

Having a funeral

Shopping at Hobby Lobby

Listening to a yoga CD in your own car

Trying to retrieve your own children from the movie theater

Having a cookout

Entering your own apartment building

Questioning a $1.50 up-charge on your Waffle House receipt

Having a white girlfriend with a cop-daddy

Taking too long in the bathroom

Performing a house inspection at your job as a real estate investor

Asking about a $0.50 charge for plastic utensils at waffle house

Asking why you are getting a ticket

Listening to ’90s R&B to celebrate your cardiology fellowship

Golfing too slowly

Laughing on the Napa Valley wine train

Trying to see your dying son at the hospital

Skateboarding

Purchasing items at Walgreens

Requesting that your Uber take you to your actual drop-off location

Doing community service for your sorority

Asking for sliced cheese at CVS

Asking for a refund

Being an 86-year-old with dementia

Looking for a bathroom

Eating at Applebee’s

Wearing too many clothes on an airplane

In this special case, police told Latina Herring to stop calling the police. She said her boyfriend had a gun and was going to harm her and her son. They told her to stop calling, and three hours later she and her 8-year-old were dead, (allegedly) shot to death by said boyfriend

Maneuvering around an erratic driver

Shopping for prom

Eating lunch on your own college campus

Being bald and appearing agitated

Working out at L.A. Fitness

Paying for your Mentos

Arriving late for a college tour

Raising money for your football team at the zoo

Grocery shopping

Dining at IHOP

Campaigning because you are run for office

Canvassing for a congressional candidate

Trying to go home

Having Instagram photos that are too sexy

Changing lanes without signaling

Selling CDs

Driving without a front license plate

Sleeping (at 7 years old)

Being a whale

Walking your dog

Being afraid

Running

Walking home with Skittles and an Arizona Iced Tea

Go to Bible study at church

Dining at Bahama Breeze

Asking Victoria’s Secret to remove the sensor from your already-purchased bra

Moving into your apartment

Literally existing, anytime, anywhere

If you need some joy or relief after reading all of these, look no further: this Black poll worker called the police on a couple of suspicious white people.