Apparently Human Scrabble Is a Thing, and a Group of White Teachers in Missouri Have Managed to Make It Racist

Oh boy, y’all. Today I learned that human Scrabble is apparently a thing people do, and leave it to a group of white teachers in Missouri to find a way to make it racist.

According to the Kansas City Star, a group of teachers at the Christian School District in O’Fallon, Mo., were photographed holding up the word “coons” during a game of human Scrabble.

*the longest, heaviest, negro-est sigh imaginable*

This is quite possibly one of the whitest things I’ve ever heard in that a) it unnecessarily complicates an incredibly simple concept (Scrabble) and b) managed to make it mad racist in the process. All we need now is for the teachers to come out and say we’re the real racists, and I think they actually might hit a racism grand slam.

“They were running around trying to spell raccoon, but they didn’t have the R and the A,” Pastor Raymond Horry, a parent in the school district, told KSDK. “I don’t believe it that five Caucasian teachers, not one of them knew that. Maybe one didn’t know it, maybe two didn’t know it, but all five didn’t know it?”

Preach, pastor, preach.

At no point from spelling the word, displaying the word, and then taking a picture with the word, not one of them went “Hey, how about we don’t?” Were they contractually obligated to spell raccoons? Because they could’ve dropped the “C,” moved the “S,” and spelled “soon.” Sure, you might have lost three points, but at least you don’t look mad racist.

Now, they’re out here looking like the kind of people who would argue against proper nouns being used in Scrabble but would totally be down with spelling the n-word.

The school district issued a statement, saying, “We recognize that this ill-informed action caused hurt and offense to many students and families in our school and in the wider community. We offer no excuse as to why this word was used.”

This wasn’t enough for one parent, who told KSDK, “It’s a blanket statement, it’s the same thing, we always have to forgive them for their transgressions because they don’t know how to handle racial issues.”

Also, considering that a student told the news outlet that the school has “failed us again,” it sounds like this isn’t the first time the district has engaged in this kind of insensitive behavior.

The St. Louis County Branch of NAACP has called for “severe and swift punishment” for the teachers involved. The district has yet to say what, if any, disciplinary action will be taken. If I had to hazard a guess, it’s probably going to be a three hour “diversity training” course and maybe, maybe suspension with pay. Oh, America, never stop America-ing. Or, actually, please do, because ya boy is tired.