-
Martellus Bennett Won’t Be Going to Trump’s White House
Turns out there is a black player on the New England Patriots (ha, just kidding; I know they have three black players!), and he isn’t going to the White House. Patriots tight end Martellus Bennett was barely into his celebration in the come-from-behind victory for the ages when he let it be known that he…
-
Unique Views, Episode 29: Tony Rock Throws Stones at Everyone
There are certain guests who we don’t want to overshadow with our foolishness. Tony Rock is one of those guests. He’s brutally honest and his commentary is dead on. For one, well before President Trump ushered out “his” blacks and shouted out Fredrick Douglass like he was still alive, Rock urged Patti LaDanielle aka Danielle…
-
Birthing My Half-Black, Half-Pakistani, Full-Muslim Son in the Era of Trump
I went into labor 30 minutes after Donald Trump’s election night speech. I have the worries that any new mother would have about raising a child in the era of Trump, where ugliness is out in the open and civility no longer exists. My son was born pink. Not mocha, like his daddy. I really…
-
Sure, the Bowling Green Massacre Is Fake, but That Doesn’t Mean We Can’t Mourn Fake Deaths
It isn’t funny. Thousands of fictional people lost their lives! Fictional families are still in mourning trying to pick up the fictional pieces that have been scattered since the fictional Bowling Green Massacre! And it is disrespectful for us to collectively make fun of this fictional tragedy just because it didn’t happen. Senior Trump adviser…
-
Trump Is the Boyfriend Who Can’t Stop Talking About His Old Girlfriend
President Donald Trump hasn’t accepted that his relationship with Celebrity Apprentice is over. He can’t accept that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the new boss with a new catchphrase. He also can’t deal with the fact that his old flame has moved on without him even though his new bae, the presidency of the United States of…
-
Trump Administration Modifies Sanctions With Our Play Cousin Russia
The Trump administration has loosened sanctions on America’s new play cousin on our fascist father’s side. That’s right—the Treasury Department announced Thursday a modification of sanctions put in place by the Obama administration after intelligence agencies determined that it was involved in cyberattacks to meddle with the U.S. elections in November, CNBC reports. And now…
-
President Pee-Pee’s Supreme Court Pick Started a Fascism Club in High School
So it turns out that back when Judge Neil Gorsuch—you know, President Pee-Pee’s nominee for the Supreme Court—was just a high school student, he founded the Fascism Forever Club. First off, what a dork. Second, really?! The 49-year-old nerd started the club as a freshman at the über-expensive elite Georgetown Preparatory School near Washington, D.C.,…
-
Donald Trump Hates Muslims (Old Kanye Voice)
Let’s recap: First Donald Trump’s administration issues a Muslim ban, which they don’t want called a ban, but the president and his lackey Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer have both called it a ban. The ban stops people from seven predominantly Muslim countries from coming to the U.S. Now comes the news that the Department of…
-
Evil Voltron Is Almost Complete as Senate Panel Confirms Jeff Sessions
The movement to form evil Voltron is almost complete as Sen. Jeff Sessions’ (R -Ala.) nomination to become U.S. attorney general was approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee along party lines, 11-9. According to NBC News, the panel put up a good fight, but in the end evil prevailed, as it tends to do with…
-
Trump on Black History Month: Where Frederick Douglass At? I See You, Baby!
President Donald Trump was surrounded by all his blacks on Wednesday. That’s right; Omarosa Manigault and Ben Carson were there to hear Trump shout out Frederick Douglass like he was a new artist coming out on Trump Records, during what I believe was supposed to constitute some form of Black History Month appreciation. “Frederick Douglass…
