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A Letter to the Shameless Negroes Marching in Suits to 'Change the Narrative'
A screenshot of a news clip is an efficient way to find art for an internet essay when an image from Getty or one of the other subscription-based photo libraries is unavailable. If lucky, you might even find a clip with a synopsizing chyronāwhich is the roving electronic caption usually at the bottom of a…
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What 'Defund' in 'Defund the Police' Actually Means, Explained
What a year, huh? Yeah, 2020 has been a monster. Forget 2020. I mean just from Sunday to Wednesday. Youāre right. Each week has been a year. Each month a decade. The Popeyes chicken sandwich craze feels like it happened when I was 4 years old. So one recurring theme of the uprising is a…
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The Police Would Rather Kill White People Than Stop Killing Black People
I was reminded last week, while watching the clip of 75-year-old Martin Gugino getting pushed by Buffalo police officers and cracking his head open, of a Twitter thread a few years ago by Gene Demby. I cannot find the actual thread right now (perhaps someone can help me and Iāll add a link to it)…
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Why Drew Brees Is the Worst Type of White Man, Explained
Tough week, huh? Man. Remember how long and shitty everyone said March was? Yup. I want to buy March an Edible Arrangement and beg it to come back. Man. I would serenade the shit out of March right now. Iād be Keith Sweat in this joint. āWho can love March like me? (Nobody). Who can…
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Can Someone Explain #BlackOutTuesday to Me Because I'm Not Real Smart, but This Seemed Real Dumb
I tried very, very, very hard today to find a point of #BlackOutTuesday. Not a reason, mind you. There are many of those. It was created by two black womenāJamila Thomas (Senior Director of Marketing at Atlantic Records) and Brianna Agyemang (Senior Artist Campaign Manager at Platoon)āto āpauseā the music industry. And that makes sense…
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Sentient Porkpie Hat Jason Whitlock Out at Fox Sports
Jason Whitlock, the Tomi Lahren of Clarence Thomases, is reportedly out at Fox Sports, after they couldnāt come to an agreement on a new contract. I first learned of this news on Twitter, where his name is currently trending. And his name is trending because he is so thoroughly loathed that news of him parting…
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White People Nationwide Mourn the Senseless Murder of a Minneapolis Target Store
āIām still in shock. It was just there yesterday.ā said 31-year-old Minneapolis resident Josh Hanks as he battled tears while standing in front of the Lake Street Target storeās remains. āI have so many memories of the Home and Patio section. So many laughs. So many smiles. And now itās gone forever.ā For the Lake…
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Thoughts on Forgiving Amy Cooper (aka 'Darth Karen'), Who Got Fired, Banned From Central Park, and Lost Her Dog
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HOLY SHIT IāM SORRY I REALLY TRIED REALLY REALLY HARD TO COME ON KYRIE IRVINGāS INTERNET THIS MORNING AND WRITE A THING ABOUT FORGIVENESS BECAUSE IāM CHRISTIAN-ISH ON WEDNESDAYS AND I REMEMBERED LAST NIGHT THAT EVEN HALLE EVENTUALLY FORGAVE EDDIE IN BOOMERANG AT THE END OF THE MOVIE EVEN THOUGH LOVE DIDNāT BRING HIM…
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Post-COVID, Is Indoor Pickup Basketball…Done?
āThe era of ādrop-inā workouts may be over,ā writes VICEās Maggie Puniewska in a sobering piece about what gyms will likely look like in a post-COVID America. The brim and bustle of a peak-hour LA Fitness wonāt be returning any time soon, as even those willing to chance visiting a gym once they reopen will…
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Andrea Askowitz Invents New Level of Whiteness, Writes the Worst Essay You'll Ever Read
Eons from now, when the planet is a barren wasteland scorched by solar flares and sheathed by Amazon Hub lockers, several of our evolved descendants will leave their homes on Lunar Outpost X Ć A-12 to return to Earth on an artifact-finding mission. And they will discover, amongst the ruins, a pristine copy of Andrea…
