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There Are No Good Apples
It was somewhat disconcerting for my cousin, a cop in Washington, D.C., to attend my book event at Politics and Prose in March. Not really for me, since I knew he was coming. But when he walked in towards the end of my talkāin full vested, booted and armed cop gearāthe atmosphere shifted, and I…
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Black Man With (Possible? Probable?) Hair Plugs Complains That Black People Care Too Much About Our Hair
Perhaps the most telling aspect of thrift shop fedora repurposed as a strip club daytime shift buffet tray with sentience Jason Whitlockās continued descent into Take Perdition is that thereās no variance with him. For someone who frequently decries SJW groupthink, heās as predictable as a burp after a sip of soda. If a black…
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I'm Sorry Y'all, But I Just Can't Find a Shit to Give About Donald Trump's Impeachment
So before I write this thing, I have to admit that, right now, Iām about to do a version of a thing that deeply annoys me. Someone will write a thing. (Letās say about libertarian marsupials.) And the people who care deeply about libertarian marsupials will respond to that thing. Maybe theyāll leave comments on…
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18-Year-Old Brandt Jeanās Hug of Amber Guyger Made Me Sick. But It Aināt About Me, Though
The conversation about Brandt Jeanās hug of convicted murderer Amber Guyger has mostly cannibalized both the news of the (still surprising) conviction and the (not surprising at all) sentence. The image of the act is both explosive and saccharine; a molotov cocktail dipped in high fructose corn syrup. Itās impossible to see that and not…
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Facebook, Why the Fuck Do You Keep Putting These Spammy Fake News Sites at the Top of My Feed?
I donāt pretend to know the mechanics of how most things work. I donāt know why nutmeg matters so much when making french toast, how rainbows are always perfect arcs, or even how Travis Scott has become a megastar when the best parts of his rap albums are when Travis Scott is not rapping. But…
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I Just Binged Season 1 of Succession and It Feels Like I Was on a White People Safari
I donāt remember exactly what Kotaku staff editor Natalie Degraffinried said a month ago when attempting to convince me to watch Succession. But knowing Natalie, Iām certain it involved some combination of āthese white peopleā and āwild.ā What I do remember was that she was the fourth or fifth black person in the last two…
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NBA Players Who Wouldāve Had Better Careers If They Had Megan Thee Stallionās Vibranium-Enhanced Knees, Ranked
1. Chris Webber 2. Anfernee Hardaway 3. Bernard King 4. Brandon Roy 5. Yao Ming 6. Derrick Rose 7. Amarāe Stoudamire 8. Tim Hardaway 9. Gilbert Arenas 10. Baron Davis 11. DeMarcus Cousins 12. Allan Houston 13. Fat Lever 14. Danny Manning 15. Greg Oden 16. Shaun Livingston 17. Jamal Mashburn 18. Jonathan Bender 19.…
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Should Salads Be on Plates or in Bowls? (A Short Debate About a Dumb Thing People Do)
I eat salads often now, because I have transitioned to a phase of my life where Iām expected to eat them often, and I donāt want to subvert those expectations. Iām so immersed in salad culture, so attuned to the salad zeitgeist, that my affinity for leafy greens lightly fondled by zesty liquids precedes me.…
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Pittsburgh Is the Worst City in America for Black People. Here's How It Can Get Better
If you need an example of the level of danger Pittsburghās black population faces for just living in the city, drive down Centre Avenue, go through the Hill District and then North Oakland, and then stop once you find yourself in front of UPMC Shadyside. Park your car, get out, and survey the beautiful campus…
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Why The Pittsburgh Steelers Should Sign Colin Kaepernick
It was revealed late this morning that sentient house arrest anklet stuffed into an empty Iron City bottle Ben Roethlisberger needs surgery on his mysteriously injured elbow and will miss the rest of the NFL season. The Pittsburgh Steelers are dumpster juice this yearāwhich is what tends to happen when you call losing your two…
