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Joe Biden Appears to Be The Last Person to Realize That Joe Biden Will Never Be President
Between two and four times a week, I come home from whatever it is I was doing before, I change into gym-appropriate clothes, I stuff a four-year-old Gap Kids baby bag repurposed as a gym bag with a pair of Kyrie 5s, a knee brace, extra socks, and a T-shirt, and I make the drive…
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Cracker, Explained (In 450 Words!)
Really? What? This is what we’re doing today? A cracker explainer? In 2019? It is. And I’m as shocked as you are. Why Damon? Last week, it was reported that then-Los Angeles Raider Antonio Brown, during a heated argument, called Raiders general manager Mike Mayock a cracker. Then-Raider Antonio Brown? He’s not with them anymore?…
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Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America, Was Also Accused of Rape 3 Months Ago
There should be a word to describe the thing that happens when you have a new favorite word for a month or so and you become so enamored with it that you inject it into as many conversations as you can. For instance, right now that word for me is zeitgeist. I’ve always had a…
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A Case for Why Jay-Z Should Forget About the NFL and Just Buy a Popeyes Franchise
Of the myriad possible metaphors for the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich craze of 2019—which is a thing I will tell my kids about when they ask how America voted for Donald Trump—my favorite is that the sandwich itself represents heaven. The line to wait for the sandwich? That’s life on Earth. Those who get their sandwiches…
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Poor People Are Already Financially Literate. They Just Need More Money
I don’t remember when exactly I first realized there was such a thing as class. I think I might have been 10 or 11, but I’m not certain. But even before I possessed the language to articulate class distinctions, I understood them. I knew where my family existed on that spectrum. I knew what where…
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Jay-Z Got Paid to Be the NFL’s Black Boyfriend
It begins the same way each time. Something with a hint of scattered racial flurries happens. Next comes a conversation about said thing, where (usually black) people articulate exactly why the racist thing was racist. And then either the (white) person accused of the act or a (white) person defending the accused will attempt to…
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A List of Really Small Words You Can Use to Sound Really Big Smart and Impress People
1. Apt 2. Heft 3. Wont 4. Stem 5. Ode 6. Tryst 7. Link 8. Rapt 9. Rage 10. Pose 11. Tact 12. Couth 13. Canon 14. Knotted 15. Snarl 16. Emote 17. Rigor 18. Ply 19. Hiss 20. Pivot 21. Verve 22. Grit 23. Tonic 24. Disrupt 25. Body (if black is used before…
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Guys, Um, It’s True: Popeyes Has the Best Fast Food Fried Chicken Sandwich and It Ain’t Even Close
So let’s just get this out of the way immediately. I’m a fan of sandwiches. I’m a fan of chicken that is cooked in preparation of me eating it. And I’m a fan of chicken that is fried before I eat it. Unfortunately, the marriage between these three is usually unsuccessful, as the fried chicken…
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So…Um, Did Rue Die?
I’m still processing some aspects of both Euphoria’s season finale and the entire completed season. (Namely, whether the show is actually good, or if I just enjoy it and think it is.) But one cemented detail is that Zendaya catapulted into the holy shit stratosphere of acting and talent and presence and range. Anything this…
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Can Someone Please Give Jason Whitlock a Hug or Invite Him to Brunch or Something?
Sentient Stacy Adams shoebox Jason Whitlock is trending again today, for the same reason that his name always appears on my timeline when it does. A popular black athlete said or did something moderately cool, and this act offended Whitlock’s sensibilities enough for him cast judgment on said athlete with the fury of 27 porkpie…
