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  • Donald Trump Has a Nose for Trash Black People

    If there’s a silver lining so far with the Trump presidency—and one attribute that I’m honestly grateful he possesses—it’s that Donald Trump has a nose for trash black people. He has a way of sifting through the sea of blackness and sniffing out those who are the most shameless, the most feckless, the most hypocritical,…

    By

    Damon Young

    Published

  • High School Soccer Team Accused of Yelling Racial Slurs at Black Players Travels to Away Games With Armed Guards

    Last month, soccer players at Connellsville Area High School in Connellsville, Pa., were accused of directing racial slurs at black players during a game against Penn Hills High School in Pittsburgh. The Connellsville players and coaches denied this. A hearing featuring students, parents, coaches and administrators from both sides was held Sept. 24, and it…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • Jimmy Butler Going to Work Just to Roast His Boss and Coworkers Is the Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week

    On Friday, I will be a part of a daylong wedding ceremony that will merge Ghanaian and African-American traditions for one glorious and black-as-the-fuck celebration. The members of the wedding party will change wardrobes three times. I’m currently in a text thread with Panama and each of the 11 groomsmen. Topics discussed over the past…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • Watch: A List of All the Things Straight Men Can’t Do Because It’s ‘Suspect’ (According to Wiz Khalifa and Many Others)

    In a Breakfast Club interview in July, very tall Pittsburgher Wiz Khalifa expressed dismay at the horror of men eating bananas in public. From Page Six: “You gotta break it in half,” Khalifa, 30, told host Charlamagne Tha God. “If you bite into a banana, you sus[pect].” When Charlamagne began to protest that “it’s just…

    By

    Damon Young

    Published

  • What Taylor Swift Did Is Cool, I Guess. But We Need Fewer White People to Vote, Not More

    Earlier this week, millions rejoiced as sentient Facebook algorithm Taylor Swift emerged from her rhinestone-studded cocoon of caucasity to reveal that she recently discovered racism and the importance of voting. This act apparently caused a massive voter registration spike. According to Kamari Guthrie, director of communications for Vote.org, as many as 65,000 people registered within…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • Marriage Advice for Panama Jackson, Who Is Getting Married This Week

    Three weeks ago, while Panama and I were doing a talk at Princeton University, I shared the story of how, although we first met in 2004 and started VSB in 2008, we didn’t meet in person until our three-year anniversary party in D.C. in 2011. The more I tell that story, the less sense it…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • The 10 Blackest Things in Shannon Sharpe’s Smorgasbord of Smoke, Ranked

    Earlier today, Shannon Sharpe posted a picture on Instagram that can only really be described as a smorgasbord of smoke. A blackness lasagna, maybe. Blackness bukkake, perhaps. Either way, it looks like he’s either planning for the blackest game night ever or asked the hotel room service for a rush order of advanced hypertension. No…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • LaCroix Doesn’t Just Taste Like Bug Spray, It Might Actually BE Bug Spray

    Remember way, way, way, way, way back when, when I was like, “Y’all are pretending to enjoy LaCroix,” and some of y’all were like, “Blasphemy! La Croix is the nectar of the Gods!” And then I was like, “Um, it tastes how Lindsey Graham’s voice sounds,” and then y’all were like, “I JUST BAPTIZED MY…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • I Just Want These Raggedy Shitstains to Lose

    In a Billboard cover story last week, knapsack enthusiast J. Cole admitted that he didn’t vote in the 2016 presidential election, claiming that while he would have voted for Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton just didn’t motivate him. Naturally, he was roundly criticized for this—particularly since he’s considered to be (and shrewdly positioned himself as) an…

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    Damon Young

    Published

  • The 10 Most Common Questions Asked in Married Households 

    1. “Did you poop today?” 2. “When was the last time you pooped?” 3. “Did you feel better after you pooped?” 4. “Will those beans/spinach/nuts/kale/pills/yoga/workout plan/new sheets/fancy toothpaste help me/you poop?” 5. “How many poops did you take this week?” 6. “You don’t remember the last time you pooped?” 7. “If we go to this…

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    Damon Young

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