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If You Thought It'd Be Fun to Get a Toothache and See a Dentist During a Pandemic, Guess What? It's Not!
I know, I know, I know. Staying socially distant during COVID is quite the drag, and you thought it would be new and exciting and fun to have one of the wisdom teeth you actually planned to extract in April—but couldn’t because COVID—get infected. You already walked all the steps, streamed all the shows, and…
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Daniel Cameron’s Tears Were a Job Application
Of course, the tears Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron shed during his press conference this afternoon were a lie. They were also an audition. The audience he was performing for—the people he’s been speaking to with his body language, his haircut, his intonation, his choice of wife, and his wedding date—witnessed both the sort of hollow…
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The Joker's Plan in The Dark Knight Was Dependent on Expected Brutality From a 'Good' Cop
The success of The Joker’s numerous schemes in The Dark Knight is dependent on a medley of greed, corruption, stupidity, and mostly collective late-stage astigmatism. Blowing up Gotham General, for instance, requires the thousands of nurses and doctors and orderlies and janitors and cafeteria workers and patients and patients’ families in the hospital to either…
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Could've Died in Peace If White People Were Better People
Propped on the pavement, planted in yards, and sitting on stoops in every block in my neighborhood this morning are kaleidoscopic signs encouraging people to register to vote and reminding us, of course, that Black Lives Matter. I do not know which organization created them. Definitely one of the dozens (hundreds?) targeting Black, and Latino,…
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Maurkice Pouncey Apologizes to Police for Wearing the Name of a Kid They Killed on His Helmet
Former East Pittsburgh police officer Michael Rosfeld was forced out of his job as a University of Pittsburgh cop in 2018, found work in the East Pittsburgh police department soon after, killed 17-year-old Antwon Rose Jr. his first day on the street—shooting Rose three times in the back while Rose ran from him—and was acquitted…
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Are These Timberlands?
Yes, technically. But they’re not Timbs. There’s a difference? Yes. Care to expound? No.
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Most Chicken Wings Are Trash
If you are a chicken wing connoisseur—which I consider myself to be—you undoubtedly know the best wing spots in your city like you know your own face. You know the hours they’re open, the number of rubs and sauces available on their menus, the days they have specials, whether they provide free ranch and/or blue…
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25 Questions for the People Who Wear Masks While Driving Their Cars
1. Why are you doing this? 2. I don’t get it? 3. I mean I get how COVID has invaded our brains and made us question whether the things we’re doing are healthy and safe? 4. Just yesterday I rubbed hand sanitizer on a Snickers wrapper before opening it? 5. Which I’m certain isn’t safe?…
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30 Questions About Dr. Umar Johnson's Claim That Black Americans Spend $19 Million a Year on Grits
In an Instagram post on Labor Day, Dr. Umar Johnson lamented that he would be able to build multiple schools for Black boys if we gave our annual grit money to him instead. I have questions. 1. Where did he find that number? 2. Is there a secret registry of grain-specific stats that only hotep…
