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Police Make Arrest in Case of Murdered 7-Year-Old Jazmine Barnes in Houston
After multiple sources including NBC reported that the Harris County Sheriff’s Office had located and interviewed persons of interest in relation to the shooting death of 7-year-old Jazmine Barnes in Houston, Texas, officials have announced the arrest of 20-year-old Eric Black Jr.. Black, a black man who police identified based on a tip, has been…
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Jane Curtin Wants to Kill the Republican Party in 2019
For many, New Year’s Eve is fraught with excitement and anticipation. As human beings the world over look to leave their problems behind and build on their successes into the new year, resolutions are made by billions of individuals looking to improve their lot in life. Gyms fill up, blenders make tasteless smoothies, and smokers…
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Four Florida Men Steal $500,000 Worth of Tequila
If any fears from 2018 should make their way into 2019, let this be among them: Florida men are working in teams. A semi-truck driver entered a diner near Tampa to grab a bite to eat. A few minutes later, after learning the establishment had been closed since 5PM, he exited the highway diner to…
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Rep. Hakeem Jeffries and Nancy Pelosi Are on the Same Page About Trump’s ‘Border Wall’
As the government shutdown begins its second week and federal employees and members of the armed forces await final word about paychecks and benefits, New York Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) found the time to call a thing a thing. In the aftermath of the Super Saiyan Tangerine’s decision to begin a partial government shutdown after…
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The Perpetual Stoner's Guide to Surviving Christmas Day
If you’re reading this, you made it to Christmas, the day your inner child wakes you up ahead of your alarm for a day full of joyful, healthy interactions with family and friends. You’ve spent the previous few days stressing over gift sizes, jockeying for position in your nearby grocery store, and avoiding the requisite…
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Kellyanne Conway's Husband Hates Kellyanne Conway's Boss More than We Do
The Conways are back to (M)ake (A)crimony (G)reat (A)gain. Thursday night saw Republican Twitter renegade George Conway hit his own wife with the Dikembe finger via Twitter, after Kellyanne stopped by CNN to defend her kumquat-tinted boss to Chris Cuomo against the claims made by former kumquat counsel Michael Cohen. “You just like to say ‘the…
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Seven-Year-Old Girl in U.S. Custody at Mexican Border Goes 90 Minutes Without Medical Care, Dies
Jakelin Amei Rosmery Caal Maquin showed symptoms of dehydration and shock before she was transported from a remote area near the border to a border station. When she arrived at the border station three hours later, she had stopped breathing. After two revival attempts, Caal was pronounced dead by her father’s side. She had been…
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The Education Department Is Canceling $150 Million Of Student Loan Debt and Betsy DeVos Can Stay Mad
I didn’t come here to praise Betsy DeVos. So, I won’t. Nearly 15,000 emails to former students and parents of students who attended college campuses overseen by now-defunct Corinthian Colleges and other for-profit institutions like ITT Tech were sent. Thanks to an Obama-era provision called the Automatic Closed School Discharge, everyone who received one has…
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Ann Coulter Wants You to Know She’s Still Trash
Ann Coulter has seen the recent uptick in blustery right-wing pundits who could place in Seabiscuit lookalike contests. After making headlines for slamming Donald Trump’s inability to build his long-promised border wall earlier this week, she’s back to claim her throne. Speaking to the destitute man’s Megyn Kelly, Coulter, the white character from the Good…
