• Five Great Alternatives Black America Should Seriously Consider For President

    As Barack Obama’s second presidential term winds to a close, Black Americans are contemplating the sad prospect of holding their noses when they cast their votes for the next Commander-in-Chief. Instead of choosing the lesser of the remaining evils, here are five choices you should consider for the next Black President of the United States:…

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  • 5 Black Alternative Candidates Black America Should Consider for President

    As Barack Obama’s second presidential term winds to a close, black Americans are contemplating the sad prospect of holding their noses when they cast their votes for the next commander in chief. Instead of choosing the lesser of the remaining evils, here are five choices you should consider for the next black president of the…

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  • The White Person's Guide To Surviving A Terrorist Attack

    My Dear Caucasian Brethren, I want to first thank you for allowing me to speak to the Global Society for the Advancement of White People for the third time. It is indeed an honor and a privilege to stand before such luminaries as Hillary Clinton, Taylor Swift, Donald Trump and the entire cast of Exodus:…

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  • The Caucasian’s Guide to Living Under a Terrorist Threat

    After my keynote address on talking about race and another about not wearing blackface on Halloween, I was again summoned yesterday to give an emergency speech to the secret monthly white-people meeting. The following is a transcript of my remarks: My Dear Caucasian Brethren, I want to first thank you for allowing me to speak…

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  • 5 Ways Black People Will Benefit From a Trump Presidency

    I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy. I do, however, realize that half the country is suffering through a case of the bubble guts, wondering if blowhard and self-affirmed big d—k Donald Trump will be their next president, while Confederate-flag-waving Caucasians, who long for Jim Crow and the days of cotton picking, are closing in on nirvana.…

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  • An In-Depth Analysis of the Greatest Christmas Song of All Time

    When the Temptations released Give Love at Christmas in 1980, they had already cemented their position as one of the greatest musical groups of all time. Now, I know that some Caucasian baby boomer who stumbled across this article is already guffawing at that statement, but I bet your 17-year-old nephew can summon the words…

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  • The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Any More

    Notwithstanding the fact that two very smart brothas (Damon Young and Patrice O’Neal) have instructed me to never trust a Black man without facial hair — we (Black people) collectively stopped messing with Taye for a very different reason. Taye made headlines and our shit list when he said he doesn’t want his biracial son…

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  • The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Anymore

    Notwithstanding the fact that two very smart brothas (Damon Young and the late comedian Patrice O’Neal) instructed me never to trust a black man without facial hair—we (black people) collectively stopped messing with Taye Diggs for a very different reason. Diggs made headlines, and our s—t list, when he said he doesn’t want his biracial…

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  • Rosa Parks Thinks You’re a Bitch.

    While we were wading through the remnants of  #ThanksgivingWithBlackFamilies and waiting for “The Wiz” we almost forgot that December 1st marked the sixtieth anniversary of the day Rosa Parks boarded a bus in Montgomery, Alabama and said to James Blake – “Nah.” While the actual quote may be slightly different, every year I like to…

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  • White Fright and the Politics of Privilege

    The Muslims are coming. Or the refugees. Or the terrorists. With Donald Trump’s recent statement about registering Muslims, and the cadre of governors vowing to oppose any Syrian refugees immigrating to their states, we are once again drowning in the hysteria surrounding another brown bogeyman. As soon as we manage to get past the cave-dwelling…

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