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How in the Hell Are People Paying for Weddings? Vol. 2
In a little over a week, I will be a married man. I’m not entirely sure that I’ve fully grasped what that means yet but I also know that I do not have the time yet to even think about it. If it ain’t this thing that needs to get done, it’s that thing that…
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10 Thoughts I Had Watching a Kayaker Get the Shit Slapped Out of Him With an Octopus by a Seal
1. This is exactly why I don’t fuck with nature. This is also why God made me a black man. More on that later. 2. This might be uncouth, but that seal would catch those hands. No bullshit, I’d have to jump INTO the water, find the seal and we’d have to fight. I can’t…
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It’s Official. New Orleans Is My Favorite City in America. Here Are 10 Reasons Why
1. Cliché as this will be, I’m starting with the quite obvious ability to walk around with that drank. Sure, Bourbon Street smells like Hurl of Christmas Past and you’re likely to see a person laid out face down in the street, not dead, just passed out from all of the Everclear 151 and sugar…
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Is Waldorf, Maryland Really That Far? An Analysis
If you live in the Washington, DC area long enough, you’re likely to hear about the city of Waldorf, Md. Waldorf is the biggest city in Charles County, Maryland, located directly south of Prince George’s County, Maryland, also know as the place that most of the people you know who claim to be from DC…
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A Prayer of Financial Stability for Those Who Keep Losing Their Weaves in the Streets
Let us bow our heads: Father God, I come to you in inquiry and with a hopeful heart. You see, I believe in you and I believe in your methods. You have ordered my steps in your word, dear Lord, and while you lead me and guide me…ev-er-ee daaaaay, I kind of be wondering about…
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Who Would Have Thought Touring a Louisiana Plantation Was a Good Activity for a Bachelor Party Weekend?
I just got back from New Orleans, where a bunch of the homies and I took a Homie Trip to celebrate my upcoming nuptials. While what happens in New Orleans stays on Instagram, there were a few planned activities that were both fun and educational. For instance, we took an airboat tour of a swamp…
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Dear People Who Don't Respect Personal Space: WTF Is Wrong With You? I Hate You
I was at the mall the other day procuring some procurables from one of those spots that sells shit. It is my experience that many malls in America have ample free parking, but not the Fashion Centre at Pentagon City, locally know as Pentagon City. Parking is $3 for two hours, $4 hours for three,…
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The Schedule for Aretha Franklin’s Funeral Is the Most Optimistic Schedule I’ve Ever Seen in My Entire Black Funeral Life
They gon’ lay Aretha Franklin’s burdens down in Detroit on Friday, Aug. 31. And it’s going to happen in tremendous fashion. Her body has already seen outfit changes fit for a woman whose fashion stylings were as much a part of her charm as her take-no-prisoners attitude about the industry. Queen Aretha is being sent…
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9 Things I Learned (and One Thing I Didn't) From Robert Townsend's Fun and Informative Documentary, The Making of The Five Heartbeats
On Monday night, I went to check out the documentary dedicated to the creation of the classic Robert Townsend movie The Five Heartbeats. Full disclosure: The Five Heartbeats is my second-favorite movie of all time. Coming to America currently occupies that No. 1 slot, but it’s really more like 1 and 1a. I own The Five…
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We've All Heard Somebody Be Called 'Uncouth,' But Have You Ever Heard Anybody Referred to as Being 'Couth'?
Language is a beautiful thing. For instance, while I know that somewhere between 24 to 98 percent of the people reading this would cringe should I feel compelled to use the word “conversate” in your presence, 100 percent you would know exactly what I was saying should I use the “word.” And I only put…
