Can How You Argue With Your Partner Make or Break Your Relationship? What This Black Expert Has to Say…

As Valentine’s Day approaches, lovers are getting ready to shower their partners with flowers and candy (and a nice dinner or jewelry, if you’re lucky). But if you aren’t feeling the love in your relationship right now, one expert suggests looking at how you communicate with your partner – specifically, how you deal with problems — as a key indicator of whether or not you’ll have a happy relationship.

During a recent appearance on “The Diary of a CEO podcast,” professional matchmaker Paul C. Brunson told host Steven Bartlett that contempt is the number one reason couples break up – because whether you know it or not, it’s a sign that your partner is not valued.

“The reason why is because real contempt suggests that you are on a whole other level than your partner. It’s a level of disrespect. You’re saying to your partner you’re no longer on my level,” he said. “I see couples arguing, and you see the eye roll, the look away, the look back – in just those moments, one partner is saying, ‘You’re not even on my level. You shouldn’t even be in my presence.’”

Brunson, who has over 267,000 followers on Instagram, adds that not taking time to choose someone who shares your values and relationship goals can increase the likelihood that contempt will exist. Those factors can lead to what Brunson calls a “hairline fracture” in your relationship – a small rift that continues to grow over time.

If you need a little help looking for love, check out some of these Black matchmakers who are ready to connect you with your perfect mate.

With over 14,000 followers on Instagram, Tennesha Wood has helped connect “educated, successful, marriage-minded Black singles with The Broom List. But you should know, this list ain’t for everybody: You must be over 28 years old, college-educated and earn at least $75,000 annually to apply. Wood’s clients are thoroughly vetted through interviews, conversations with friends and family members and a home tour to get a complete picture. And because Wood wants to set her clients up for success, they are matched on over 50 areas of compatibility.

Matchmakers Joseph and Paris Dixon are on a mission to help Black singles find lasting love. Joseph launched Real Black Love in 2013 and has had a 95 percent success rate ever since.

Conducting thorough background checks and interviews, Real Black Love prides itself on learning what kind of person is best for their clients. The Dixons, who are married and raising three sons together, have a unique perspective on dating. They met online via the Real Black Love app in 2020.

Chi Love describes herself as “not your average matchmaker.” Rather than making you swipe left or right through hundreds of photos, N.Y.A. wants to make finding a mate more efficient and effective.

She starts by getting to know her clients, their dating patterns and their relationship goals to help them find the perfect match. By understanding things like their triggers and their love languages, she saves them time and trouble, weeding out the people who aren’t compatible.