Our Government Is Shut Down Because All Trump Wanted for Christmas Was His Border Wall

While the rest of us are scouring Amazon and invading outlet malls to snatch up last minute Christmas gifts, our Commander-in-Tweet really wanted his U.S.-Mexico border wall so damn bad that he killed a bipartisan spending deal that would’ve avoided a government shutdown.

As such, we now enter Day 2 of a partial shutdown in which nearly 400,000 federal workers will spend their Christmas (and possibly well beyond) unpaid and stressed the fuck out until a deal is reached. While funding for agencies responsible for law enforcement, tax collection, operating parks, homeland security, and transportation suffered a similar fate as of midnight on Friday.

Meanwhile, those responsible for this all this chaos are off somewhere wrapping gifts, completely unbothered.

According to USA Today, Trump has backed off from his preposterous $5.7 billion demand to fund his wall and instead has settled for an equally asinine undisclosed sum to still build this stupid ass wall—a number that is reportedly still far removed from the $1.3 billion dollars Democrats have discussed.

But while Trump is pointing his tiny fingers at Democrats, he’s conveniently forgetting his own brazen prophecy:

“You know what I’ll say?” he says in a clip posted on Twitter by Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “If we don’t get what we want, one way or the other […] I will shut down the government […] I am proud to shut down the government.”

He also took to Twitter early Sunday morning to reiterate his stance.

“The only way to stop drugs, gangs, human trafficking, criminal elements and much else from coming into our Country is with a Wall or Barrier,” he tweeted. “Drones and all of the rest are wonderful and lots of fun, but it is only a good old fashioned Wall that works!”

An additional casualty of the government shutdown is the expiration of the Violence Against Women Act. Which Rep. Norma Torres publicly lamented on Twitter.

“At midnight, the @GOP-led #TrumpShutdown allowed the Violence Against Women Act to expire,” she tweeted. “That means survivors of sexual violence and indigenous women will be without the vital services and protections they need, and robbed of their peace of mind and safety.”

With no signs of a deal on the horizon, the Senate adjourned Saturday afternoon but won’t return until Thursday. But while federal paychecks will still be issued on Dec. 28th, checks scheduled for Jan. 11th would be affected.

“This is what having a president who is nontraditional, who’s a different kind of president who looks like,” White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney said. “He is not going to be an ordinary president and that’s not what people wanted when they elected him.”

I’m pretty sure they didn’t want the government shut down for the third time this year either, but I digress.

“I don’t think things are going to move very quickly,” Mulvaney said. “There’s a chance this could go into the next Congress.”

For those keeping track at home, that wouldn’t be until Jan. 3.

Cue exasperated sigh.