Instead of Just Saying 'Wowwwww' Like the Rest of Us Men When We Get Caught Lying, Gov. Ralph Northam Refuses to Resign After Racist Picture Surfaces [Updated]

Remember that whole KKK/Blackface/white people white-peopling yearbook photo thing that Va. Governor Ralph Northam got himself caught up in when he broke the Internet on Friday?

Now he’s claiming the picture in question—a yearbook photo in which an upstanding citizen in blackface is flanked by another dressed in his finest Ku Klux Klan garments—isn’t him. No really.

Here’s the scoop, courtesy of CNN:

Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam has told a source he now believes it is not him in a racist yearbook photo and that he has no recollection of taking the photo, according a top Virginia Democratic source who spoke to the governor on Saturday.

Northam told the source he was in touch with some of his former medical school colleagues who said they believed many of the pictures in the yearbook were mixed up.

Northam did not recall the picture being taken, he told the source, and said he was not involved in the production of the yearbook.

Northam also told the source he is not going to resign.

Hold up. That’s not you? Then who recorded this heartfelt apology?

Now being a nigga who gets confused for Safaree every time I leave my house, I feel his pain. It’s hard out here for a doppledanger.

But that being said, I sure as shit ain’t a detective, but I know how to use Google and ummm…

That’s you, bruh.

Feel free to take the Virginia House Democratic Caucus’ heed and resign. They issued the following statement:

“We are so deeply saddened by the news that has been revealed today. We are having trouble reconciling our experience with Governor Northam with what we see in this photo. The Governor Northam we know is a great friend and ally, who has served and dedicated himself to our Commonwealth and the nation.

“However, constituents’ trust in their elected officials is paramount. We regret to say that we are no longer confident in the Governor’s representation of Virginians. Though it brings us no joy to do so, we must call for Governor Northam’s resignation.”

Updated Saturday, Feb. 2, 2018, 3:43 p.m. ET: In a Saturday afternoon press conference that can best be described as a tall glass of what in the fuck, Gov. Northam channeled his inner Tom Petty and refused to bow out gracefully from his 9 to 5—all while embarrassing further himself in a myriad of ways.

There was his refusal to admit that it’s actually him in the yearbook photo in question:

“I believe then and now that I am not either of the people in that photo.”

There was his bizarre “Okay, so that’s not me in that picture, but I did actually put shoe polish on my cheeks once to dress up as Michael Jackson once for a dance contest that I won because I learned how to moonwalk” confession:

“The reason I used a very little bit is… you cannot get shoe polish off.”

He insisted that his nickname at the time in question wasn’t “Coonman”, but actually “Goose”:

And of course, his continued refusal to resign despite dozens of protesters parked outside on his lawn and millions more spread out throughout the rest of the country demanding otherwise.

“I could not in good conscience choose the path that would be easier for me in an effort to duck my responsibility to reconcile.”

Right.

Should any further developments arise, we’ll keep you updated.