Some Thoughts
Some Thoughts
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Why Every Joke, Tweet, and Essay Whining About How 'Cancel Culture Is Very Bad' Is Very Dumb, Explained
Jackson was walking down the street, headed to The Container Store when he saw his friend Timothee approaching. He hadn’t seen Timothee since two summers ago, when they both were stagehands on Bat Out of Hell: The Musical, so they were happy to see each other. Timothee also appeared to be eating a taco. “What’s…
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How Much Would You Pay to Watch a Secret Service Agent Drag Trump Out of the White House?
My parents and I used to play a game where one of us would think of some ridiculous dare, assign an arbitrarily low price to it, and then would keep increasing the ask until a “Yes” happened. Mom, to me and Dad: Would you walk to Get n’ Go butt-ass naked for 100 bucks? Dad…
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Hollywood Keeps Taking Us on The Ride Toward White Supremacist Endearment and I Want Off
The first trailer for The Ride (which was apparently made in 2018) starring Chris “Ludacris” Bridges and Shane Graham recently dropped.
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A Letter to the Dickheads Who Love to Tell You When People You Don't Know Are Talking Shit About You
The list of things that I don’t know is boundless. Endless. Infinite. There are so many things that I don’t know that the only thing approaching it in scale is the list of things I don’t even know that I don’t even know. For instance, I did not know, until last week, that Joe Biden…
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Joe Biden Is Right: For America to Heal, We Must Find Common Ground With Trump Supporters
It’s morning in America, as we bask in the afterglow of Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. winning the presidency after a contentious battle with Donald Trump. This wasn’t just a win for President-elect Biden and Kamala Harris. It was a victory for hope, for honor, for righteousness, for the ancestors, for a return of class, and…
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What's Everyone Having for Lunch Today?
I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to eat the leftover tacos from last night’s dinner order. It’s the simplest but least attractive option, because refrigerated and reheated tacos don’t age well, so if I do eat them, I’ll probably eat them cold. Also, if I make this decision, will I choose the chorizo joints…
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White Women Overjoyed for Opportunity Every Four Years to Remind America That They're White
“Did you see us?” called a mysterious and haunting chorus behind me while I was walking down the street. I was puzzled because the street was just empty, so I assumed perhaps I was either daydreaming or just misheard an arbitrarily articulate dray of squirrels. “Tell us you saw us,” they repeated. I turned, cautiously,…
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Joe Biden Might Still Win, But White Supremacy is Undefeated
If you extract yourself from your body and the present and view America as a single, 401-year-long continuum, the only aspect of our nation that has remained static through our existence is white supremacy. It is both the threading fabric connecting 1619 to 1776 to 1863 to 1956 to 2016 and the amniotic fluid greasing…
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If Trump Loses, Thank Black People. If He Wins, Blame White People
When the dust settles and a winner of the presidential election is declared tomorrow night or some time in 2023, the results will immediately be proceeded by a vast and annoying ecosystem of discourse attempting to find answers, give thanks, and assign blame. Fortunately, we do not have to wait that long to perform those…
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Too Many Black Men Wish to Be White, and That's a Problem the Election Won't End
When attempting to explain, during a university-sponsored book talk a few weeks ago, the difference between truth and honesty to the students, I posed a scenario where Jeff Bezos decided to buy a house on my block and live there. With him as my new neighbor, if you took the newly combined net worth of…