Some Thoughts
Some Thoughts
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Why You (Yes, You) Are Broke as Shit and Will Never, Ever, Ever Be Rich So Stop Deluding Yourself, Explained
Wait. What? How can you even say that? How can I even say what? Donāt play dumb. Iām not playing. Iām naturally dumb. (Sigh) How can youāa person who 1) knows nothing about me and 2) knows nothing about the futureāsay that I will never be rich? Because you wonāt be. And I donāt need…
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It's Easier for a White Person in Outer Space to Vote Than a Black Person in America
When first hearing about Kate Rubins, the NASA astronaut whoās currently in a space station 200 miles above Earth but was able to vote last week, I was excitedly curious about the process. Did NASA create a hologram Kate to enter a booth and cast a vote? Did a bewinged USPS truck travel to space…
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Here's a Counterintuitive and Sneakily Delicious Breakfast I Had This Morning
Pictured is a buttermilk pancake and a brussels sprouts bowl. Theyāre both from a place called The Square Cafe, which used to be in the Regent Square neighborhood in Pittsburgh but recently moved to East Liberty. Although I havenāt eaten inside of a restaurant since March, I still do pick-up orders, and it might be…
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A List of All the Times I Definitely Did Not Cry at All While Watching Inside Out
So Inside Out is a Pixar movie about a kid named Riley and mostly about the intersecting and competing emotions inside of her that exist like a control center in her brain and how all emotionsāeven the ones like sadness that weād rather not haveāhave a symbiotic relationship. It was released in 2015 but I…
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I Too Have Pulled Out Some Peanuts During a Zoom Work Call, and I Don't Get Why Everyone's Mad at Jeffrey Toobin
It was a month ago, I think. Maybe two. Maybe last week. Time is a flat circle. I was on a Zoom call with either the people I donāt need to actually see in order to effectively communicate with themāwhich is most people. Like eight billion people. Or the people I might actually need to…
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Ice Cube Is Ellis From Die Hard
Do you remember this guy? If youāre my age (41) or older, you probably do. Iām sure Ice Cube does, because heās old as fuck! If you donāt, his name is Ellis and heās from a movie called Die Hard. In it, a group of sophisticated terroristsāled by the iconic Hans Gruberātake a building hostage…
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I'd Rather Wait in Line for Hours for a Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Than to Vote
Iāve always believed that the single Drakiest Drake song is āShot For Me.ā Itās petty, itās passive-aggressive, and itās actually pretty damn mean and nasty, but its meanness and nastiness are obscured by Drakeās falsetto-ey intonation. Bitch, Iām the man, donāt you forget itThe way you walk, thatās meThe way you talk, thatās meThe way…
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A List of Things the Biden Campaign's Battle Rap Ad Inspire Me to Vote For
1. Pestilence 2. Plague 3. Asteroids 4. COVID 5. Trump
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Mike Is Still the 'Greatest,' but LeBron Is the Best
The first NBA game I remember watching in full was in 1986 when Michael Jordan dropped 63 on the Boston Celtics in the playoffs. Iām certain I watched games before that one, either with my dad or on one of the BETA tape recordings heād make of games that aired when he wasnāt home. But…
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The Wrong People Are Dying
Much of my family will be in New Castle, Pa., this weekend to mourn the losses and celebrate the lives of my Uncle Donnie (who died last month) and my Aunt Doe (who died in April). This is happening this way because COVID-19. COVID-19 is why we had no service for my aunt in the…