The Root University
The Root University
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'Woke,' Leftist & Black: The Incomplete Glossary of White Slurs
When a leftist goes to sleep, are they not āwokeā? If an antifa retires, do they become profa? How many thugs make up a gang? White people are terrible at roasting. Iām sure youāve heard some of the most recent pathetic attempts by conservatives to demonize their adversaries. Their lackluster linguistic skills date back to…
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Why White People Hate Critical Race Theory, Explained
Theyāre back! On Monday, Mississippi state Rep. Chris Brown (not that one) introduced two bills in the state legislature affirming the āresolute opposition to the promotion of race or sex stereotyping or scapegoating.ā While the concurrent resolutions seem like no-brainers, the measures are part of the Republican Partyās nationwide effort to eliminate the anti-racist terror…
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How to Be a Black Ally
White people are having a hard time right now. Ever since mee-maw and gramps tried to overthrow the government, everyone who owns a pair of wraparound shades has been targeted by law enforcement officials. The most prominent member of White Twitter has been kicked off the internet. Parler (also known as Caucasian Clubhouse) has been…
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The Caucasian's Guide to Post-MAGA America
Although the MAGA Gamesā closing ceremony has been ridiculed for the fourth-shittiest fireworks display since Francis Scott Key penned his magnum opus (Hiroshima, Nagasaki and Pearl Harbor still finish with medals), when we realized that white people were going to have a lot of time on their hands for the foreseeable future, we knew we…
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Is This a Mob? A Quiz for the Unintentional Domestic Terrorist
Some of Americaās best and whitest activists were flabbergasted when they heard the news about the Caucasian Capitol Coup on Jan. 6. While those in attendance were not shocked by the attack on the seat of the American government, they were stunned by the media referring to their actions as āmob violenceā and ādomestic terrorism.ā…
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Gayle King Interviews America
In a story reported by The Root staff writer Ishena Robinson, Gayle King interviewed the exhausting Miya Ponsetto, a woman who is alsoā Ishena can explain it better than I can: Interview maven Gayle King found out exactly how exhausting when she spoke to Ponsetto for CBS This Morning, hours before the 22-year-old was nabbed…
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Every Argument Against Student Debt Forgiveness, Explained (and Dismissed)
What happens to a student loan deferred?Does it dry uplike Donald Trumpās skin?Or draw interestāDo payments ever end? Does it grow into a mountain of debt?Until an unknown numbercalls you up to collect? Maybe it just sagslike a heavy load.Until someone forgives it… And white people explode. For most Americans not named Ivanka and those…
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What to Do When Your Country Turns Into a Dumpster Fire
America is America-ing again. As a certain coronavirus-y occupant of the White House brazenly intensifies his all-out assault on the Constitution, media, truth, law, order, equality, democracy and everything this beloved country supposedly stands for, our fellow Americans find themselves in a state of confusion and outright despair after wrongly assuming a free supply of…
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The Caucasian's Guide to Aunties
For years, the investigative team at The Root has feverishly sought an answer to the age-old question: āDo white people have cousins?ā While our project is still undergoing the rigorous peer review process, our researchers can say, with a modicum of confidence, that white people indeed have aunts. We unearthed evidence that Aunt Jackie from…
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The Complete Guide to Defeating Voter Suppression
If youāre reading this, they donāt want to count your vote. If you, like many of our readers, are under the age of 40, progressive, live around non-white people or donāt have anyone in your circle of friends and family who owns a pair of wraparound sunglasses, Republicans are doing everything in their power to…