Opinion
-
Here's Some Songs, Presented Today for No Reason Whatsoever, About PHAD (Presumably Hard-Ass Dicks)
1. “Too Close” Next Was a very popular club song in college. I don’t listen to the words of R&B songs, so didn’t realize it was about hard dicks until years later. Many years later. Too many years later. Like last year. 2. “Magic Stick” 50 Cent 3. “Dogshit” Ol’ Dirty Bastard Another college-related memory…
-
The Apollo Theater Is Holding Online Auditions So I Decided to Shoot My Shot
The Apollo Theater is a church. Opened in 1914 as a burlesque theater, for the first 20 years of its existence, Black people were banned from performing at the venue or even attending a production. After changing its name to the Apollo Theater and opening its doors to African Americans in 1934, the Harlem monument…
-
The Root's Clapback Mailbag: White People Are Crazy
Managing Editor Genetta Adams is off today, so I do not have to adhere to the usual format. Every week, I try to explain to Genetta that the Mailbag doesn’t require a lede but, instead of listening to my argument, she insists that I follow the rules of journalism and inform the audience of the…
-
If Kanye Somehow Stays in the Presidential Race, It'll Hurt Trump, Not Biden
“No, I don’t have any bottled water” was my reply, 12 years ago, when two women—one of whom I was dating; the other was her friend—visited my apartment for the first time. I’d just offered the friend some Kool-Aid, and she looked at me like I’d just offered her a glass of elephant backwash, and…
-
A List of Characters in Hamilton Who Also Should've Shot Alexander Hamilton in the Face
1. At least once a week, 50 Cent does or says a thing that makes you think “Yeah, I see why people want to kill you.” Alexander Hamilton was (spoiler alert) killed by Aaron Burr, but like 17 different people had good reason to kill him too. The homie Bassey put it best: “Not enough…
-
50 Percent of White Folks Admit That They Will Happily Condemn Us All to Four More Years of Excruciating Hell
I believe it was fabled author Damon Young who once stated that “white people won’t save you.” But just in case you’re unclear on their utter willingness to condemn us all to the fiery depths of hell, allow me to enlighten you. According to Newsweek, Hill-HarrisX conducted a poll in which they presumably asked white…
-
Do You Know What 'Brolic' Means? (And If Not, Where Are You From?)
While walking through some mud at Moraine State Park last weekend, I thought about how “mud” is one of those perfect words that fits exactly what it is. Mud looks and acts and feels and smells exactly like something we should call “mud.” It would make no sense if the word for mud was something…
-
I Hope My Ancestors Were Goat Herders, Not Kings and Queens
Did Wakanda have housing projects? Payday lenders? A Wakandan Dollar General? These are questions I have whenever I watch Black Panther, and I’m sure there are comic book people who can provide answers. They are also dumb questions because Wakanda doesn’t exist, and whoever invented that nation could also invent a world where royalty can…
-
The Root's Clapback Mailbag: Errors and Omissions
“There ain’t been a perfect person on earth since Jesus took to the sky; and there won’t be none until he comes back” — Aunt Earlene To be fair, my Aunt Earlene has been married to a Pentecostal preacher, my Uncle Otis, since the mid-196os, so she knows very little about Black Thought—who has never…
-
Confederate Dunce: Alabama Lawmaker Who Honored KKK Grand Wizard Instead of John Lewis Resigns—as Pastor
It takes a staunch commitment to racist foolishness to celebrate the life of a Confederate general and Klan figurehead in 2020. To do so on the very same weekend, in the very same city that civil rights icon John Lewis was being honored? How much harder can you stan Jim Crow? But that is exactly…