Opinion
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Bubble Guppies, Explained
What is a Bubble Guppy? No idea. None? No. A Bubble Guppy could be at my desk, right now, on a FaceTime call with Jason Derulo, and all I’d be thinking is “Where are his pants?” Whose pants? I don’t know. You’re not making any sense. Ask better questions. Okay. So why are you doing…
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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: Coronavirus Is Racism
No, hear me out… Like COVID-19, there’s always one person who understands the danger of racism while wholeheartedly believing, “Everyone else might get it, but not me. I’m immune.”Like this letter: From: JakkiTo: Michael Harriot Michael…I hope you’ll read this for a second. There are a lot of white folks that aren’t actually “white” Jewish…
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Please Say 'Sike'
April Fools is a white holiday and I hate it. I even hate the word “prank.” It sounds like a fart that accidentally came out of a penis. Pranks. How many black people do you know who were involved in a prank? Even its synonyms are stupid. I bet you’ve never witnessed a negro “caper.”…
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10 Things Everyone Loves but I Pretty Much Hate
So there’s an unpopular opinion prompt thing going around Facebook—where you’re asked to list 10 things everyone loves but you kinda hate. I sometimes get annoyed with these sort of things because people don’t follow the rules and just start listing things that everyone hates (“1. funerals.”), but thankfully people haven’t been doing that with…
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How to Play Black Spades, Part 3: We Finna Play
Now that you have read parts one and two of our tutorials on how to play black America’s favorite pastime, it is time to learn the official way to play Black Spades. These rules have been adapted from Bicycle Playing Card’s version of white Spades. There are three objects of every game of Black Spades:…
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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: What Is We Doing?
Today’s mailbag is dedicated to the people who are laughed at, made fun of and dismissed as a joke. Every day, the entire staff at The Root engages in a brutal act of bullying against certain members of our team. It’s becoming institutional and I’m tired of it. Whenever any person suggests that we cover…
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How to Play Black Spades, Part 2: The Glossary
Welcome back to The Root University’s tutorial on how to play spades. As we discussed earlier, this guide will not make you a great spades player. Its intended purpose is to introduce you to the basic structure of the game and prevent your relatives at the next family reunion from looking at you like you…
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How to Be a Successful Writer in 2020
It’s a question I’m asked during book talks, while signing books after said talks, on panels, in emails, through DMs, at happy hours, and even once in between games at LA Fitness. I try to be as transparent as possible, but the honest answer (“I can tell you what worked for me, but there’s no…
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Are We Obligated to Snitch on and Publicly Shame Coronavirus Deniers?
If you’re the type of person who believes, for instance, that AIDS can be cured with paprika, your belief is definitely dangerous, and you probably need some lotion. But because the Venn diagram of “people who think mailboxes cause diabetes” and “people living in their aunt’s basements who still write their names on their orange…