Opinion
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Cue the World's Smallest Violin: White Driver Who Followed Black Man, Called Him Slurs, Now Whines About Life Being Ruined
An Ohio state contractor who, in a fit of road rage, took it upon himself to follow a black man to his home and call him a “nigger” repeatedly is now whining and complaining about his life being ruined. Hmm, this year’s crop of white tears is exceptional. Jeffrey Whitman, the owner of Uriahs Heating…
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Donald Trump Is America's Greatest President
As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. – H.L.…
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Amazon Should Replace Literally Every White Man to Save Local Taxpayers Money
There was a time that white men offered the local community lots of services in exchange for their tax money. They would invent things like the Snickers bar and the shoelace, they wouldn’t exist as things named Tekashi 6ix9ine, and they saved Private Ryan. Residents could borrow any white man they wanted, marry it, and…
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Woman Who Called Police on 2 Black Yale Students Says She's 'Done Absolutely Nothing Wrong' in Whitest Tweets Ever
Marking a record-breaking technological accomplishment, the white woman who called the police on a black woman sleeping in a common room in a Yale dormitory became the first person ever to tweet white tears when she took to Twitter on Wednesday to lament the fact that she has become a victim of her own Beckydom.…
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The University of Virgina Hired a Trump Staffer Days Before the Charlottesville Anniversary and, as an Alum, I’m Okay With That
It’s been over a year and America pretty much knows who Donald Trump is. He’s racist. (Full stop). He’s selling us out to the Russians and big business, and he’s a habitual, unadulterated, unfiltered, premium draft, liar. Either you’re down with his Forever 21 white nationalist authoritarian regime, or you’re not. At this point, most…
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The Root's Clapback Mailbag: The Seinfeld of Mailbags
Yesha’s back, which means I have to sit here and write an extended lede. Sometimes I feel like Yesha’s just being mean to me. I bet she doesn’t even read these intros. I could probably ramble on about anything and she would just check to see if there were the requisite amount of words to…
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A Real Week In New York City on an Intern's Salary
Welcome to the life of a recent college grad who is interning in New York for the first time. I’m going to spill the real tea on how we millennials spend our hard-earned money, because let one marketing intern tell it, she’s living the life working in HR and making $25/hour. The intern recently talked…
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Florida Couple Grins for Drug Arrest Photo Following Police Chase … And Whew, Chile, the Privilege
What happens when peak Florida meets peak caucasity meets peak privilege? This photo op with two grinning drug suspects and the cops who managed to arrest them without anyone even sustaining a scratch as an injury. Seriously, it would be almost laughable if black people weren’t being beaten up (in the best case scenario) for…
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Papa John's Founder Regrets Resigning, Whines About Board Making Him Step Down 'Without Any Investigation'
The founder of Papa John’s is apparently ready to drag the company down with him, now saying that he regrets resigning and promises to fight the chain that he created over how he was made to resign after using a racial slur. Stay classy my friends. John “Papa John” Schnatter issued a public apology last week…
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Texas Shouldn't Execute Chris Young for Murder Even Though He Is Guilty of the Crime [Updated]
Updated: Monday, July 17, 2018; 3:53 EDT: When I wrote this piece, I was not aware that, according to court records, Chris Young sexually assaulted a woman in front of her three children at gun point the morning before the murder. Gunpoint. Three children. I have no words. That act is evil; the man who did…