Quiz: How Hotep Were You In College?

Although the people who’ve come to be known as hoteps get a bad rap today, I have a measure of sympathy for them because I went through a moderate hotep phase in college — something I know many 35-to-45 year old black people can definitely relate to. Basically, being a hotep is like smoking weed. Most have tried it at least once, but some never quite learn how to inhale.

Anyway, there were (and are) levels to this hotep shit. Perhaps you just had hotep tendencies, or maybe you’re literally Lord Jamar. Let’s find out!

A) Seven months (4 points)

B) I haven’t rocked Tommy since (7 points)

C) You do know he never actually said that, right? In fact, he never even went on Oprah then. (0 points)

A) Of course. There’s nothing sexier than an orgasm of overstanding. (22 points)

B) Just once or twice after hearing that Dead Prez song. (2 points)

C) Fuck no. (-5 points)

A) LOL at “phase.” (3 points)

B) Does it count if I dated and/or slept with multiple kofi rocking niggas? (It does, doesn’t it?) (2 points)

C) I don’t think so. What’s a kufi? (-1 point)

A) 171 (13 points)

B) Once or twice, I guess. (1 point)

C) Theodore Witcher is my cousin. (7 points)

A) The God just said he was reading his core lessons and would call back at 7? Is that not obvious? (18 points)

B) I remember someone saying it on that one Wu album. (4 points)

C) No. (0 points)

A) Does “Liberation” count? (13 points)

B) Yes. For a month in 1999. (4 points)

C) I don’t know anyone named Rufus. (-2 points)

A) You’re saying he didn’t? (23 points)

B) Pretty damn convinced. But not as convinced as the nigga who told me that Trojan’s a front for the CDC, which is why he never wore condoms. (6 points)

C) But if it really were for sale, why would they sell it to him and not Rock Hudson or Liberace or one of the much-more-famous-than-Magic’s-ass white people who died from it? (-4 points)

A) Of course. Who doesn’t want to be able to finally work for themselves? (8 points)

B) Does it count if you just attended and then bought some Pre-Paid Legal for yourself? (3 points)

C) I’m not sure if I know what you’re talking about. (-1 point)

A) Of course I did/Cause y’all niggas is dead/Or trying to do something when/ your life span’s real Republican. (17 points)

B) My spoken word poems always rhymed! That’s the only way I’d be able to memorize and perform them. (5 points)

C) Is this a riddle? (o points)

A) None. Unless you count Molly. But she didn’t really count though, cause she had finger waves. (24 points)

B) If I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret, would it? (7 points)

C) *Sigh* (2 points)

(5 points or less) You had no hotep tendencies. You may pass go, but you might be a Russian bot.

(6 to 20 points) You were slightly hotep. A 40-degree day hotep. Not hotep enough to matter, but hotep enough to appreciate patchouli.

(21 to 40 points) Shit. Your third eye was all the way the fuck open. Did you graduate?

(41 or more points) B.o.B, is that you?