So I Guess Nike Doesn’t Actually Care If I Get the Package They Shipped To Me, Huh?

They may not have the most iconic and recognizable logo of all time (I’m sure the folks involved in that debate argue about this frequently), but Nike is absolutely near the top. Should you decide to look at folks’ feet all day long, I’d wager that you’d see more Nike swooshes (also called the Nike check) on shoes than anything else, and you don’t need to see the word Nike to know that the swoosh is theirs. Many of the world’s biggest athletes wear Nike apparel and shoes and that trickles down to folks living their everyday best lives rocking shoes advertised or endorsed by particular players.

Michael Jordan pushes Nike. And Jordans are some of the most popular, ubiquitous and omnipresent shoes on the planet. The point here is this: Nike is popular and recognizable, and the vast majority of people have worn Nike shoes at some point or another.

With this fact in mind, Nike, why the fuck are you shipping packages via shipping services like UPS or FedEx in packaging that explicitly has Nike logos and the ALSO supremely recognizable “Just Do It!” branding on the packing tape all over it? For why, sis? For why? Do you WANT me to get robbed? I believe you do. Baby, what is you doing?

Shipping practices have gotten curious as of late. Because the shit you order from Amazon can basically be at your door almost as soon as you order it, the way things are shipped has become fairly fucking lazy. It’s commonplace nowadays to order something from Amazon, especially if it’s a larger item that comes in a large box, for the shippers to just stick a shipping label right on the unwrapped box. They’re basically BEGGING anybody who needs some new shit for their kids to risk it all and jack the box from the front step, ESPECIALLY because they know what’s in the box. An enterprising thief could literally knock out his Christmas shopping by following UPS drivers around all year watching them deliver unwrapped boxes.

On the other end of the spectrum is when you order several small items from the same place and all that shit comes tossed into one box, none of it wrapped in the slightest, all held together by a clear plastic bubble-wrap apparatus. Amazon is notorious for this. Do you like a receipt in your box? Silly sucka, you just got this package in under 48 hours, pipe down and enjoy this “not quite what you thought it would be” item and shut up. It is slightly annoying but at least you got it.

The thing is, in both of those cases, I can come up with a justification for why the packaging choices were made. In the first example, why wrap an already big-ass box in another even bigger box? Hell, you know what you have coming and they usually send some sort of tracker so if you’re concerned about the box growing legs, you can find a way to meet it at the door. In the second case, the desire to ship quickly means that multiple things get tossed into a box and taped and packaged with as minimal work as possible to get out of the door. I get it.

Yet there is literally ZERO good reason for Nike to put company packaging on boxes it’s shipping to customers. People steal packages all the time. I’ve had packages stolen, held for extortion and even once found an open box with my wife’s name on it on our sidewalk about 75 feet from my front door. In all of those cases, the guilty party had no idea what they were getting, as evidenced by the package left open on the sidewalk filled with event invitations.

Recently, I ordered a pair of shoes off Nike’s SNKRS app. I placed the order on Sunday night and the shoes were delivered Wednesday afternoon. I wasn’t home when the package arrived but I knew it was delivered because I received a notification of a doorbell ring, courtesy of my Ring app. I saw the UPS dude (who also happens to be one of my neighbors) place the box, considerately, behind a tree, keeping it MOSTLY out of sight, unless you’re looking for stuff being mostly hidden behind small trees.

When I got home and, thankfully, saw my box still there, I immediately felt a sigh of relief. Why? Because on this box are several Nike logos. I live in a neighborhood with TONS of activity. Sure, Nike doesn’t know that, but that also shouldn’t matter. Point is, if I’m a thief and I walk by and see a box with a Nike logo, I almost have to take it because even if it’s not something that fits me specifically, it’s likely something I can sell to somebody, especially if it looks like a shoebox. I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve seen folks online take pictures of their boxes being delivered in-not-so-covert manners that were WAY more prone to robbery than my package was. I just don’t understand the logic in putting company branding all over a box that folks want nothing more than to stay as inconspicuous as possible to hopefully provide some modicum of “not worth it” to folks who might be willing to jack a delivery.

Meanwhile, Nike is basically out here like “Steal This Box, It May Be Shoes, It May Be Clothing, But Chances Are It’s Something You Want. The People Who Ordered Do! Just Do It!” I don’t get it at all. Shit, branding the boxes HAS to be more expensive than a plain ole brown box that doesn’t explicitly imply where a box came from. How many folks have had packages stolen BECAUSE the box had a Nike swoosh on it?

Sam Cooke once sang that a change gon’ come. Nike? Take heed. Let’s make boxes safe for delivery again. Just do it!