Donald Trump
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Want To "Make America Great Again!" But Don't Know How? Easy. Legalize White Slavery
“Make America Great Again!” has been an unquestionably effective, shrewd, and admittedly genius campaign strategy for Donald Trump. Sequencing those four words in that order is a brilliantly succinct way of communicating two separate and equally powerful messages: 1. America was once great, is no longer great, but can be great again 2. America was…
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Exactly How Black Was President Obama's Final State Of The Union Address?
Last night, President Barack Obama began the farewell tour of his presidency with his final State of the Union address. It’s already been established that he’s shrouded in a cloak of no fucks; his fuck-drained cape flapping in the wind as he breezes past for one final lap. And, by virtue of being the first…
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Someone Needs To Put The GOP Presidential Nominees In A Van. And Push That Van Off A Bridge
While I was in Target a couple weeks ago, getting Diaper Genie bags and seeing if the latest issue of EBONY Magazine was there yet, The Wife Person texted me, asking me to pick up some bananas. I usually don’t buy produce at Target; preferring to buy my fruits and meats and veggies at Giant Eagle…
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Rosa Parks Thinks You’re a Bitch.
While we were wading through the remnants of #ThanksgivingWithBlackFamilies and waiting for “The Wiz” we almost forgot that December 1st marked the sixtieth anniversary of the day Rosa Parks boarded a bus in Montgomery, Alabama and said to James Blake – “Nah.” While the actual quote may be slightly different, every year I like to…
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Johari Osayi Idusuyi (The Woman Reading At The Trump Rally) Is The Blackest Person Who Ever Lived This Week
Donald Trump is not a legitimate candidate for president. Sure, Donald Trump is running for president. And it seems like he will likely be the Republican nominee. And he might even be the president! This, unfortunately, is not a far-fetched reality. But even if President Trump becomes a reality, Donald Trump has never been and will never…
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Anthony Mackie: The Unlikeliest Hotep
I should know better. I know that movies and television shows are movies and television shows and contain actors who are acting and not being themselves. Again, I know this. I know Joe Morton isn’t really the sociopathic head of a shadowy government agency. I know Kimberly Elise has an emotion other than “depressingly distraught.” And I know that Michael Beach is…
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An Investigation: Are Donald Trump And Al Sharpton Really The Exact Same Person?
After hundreds of interviews, thousands of hours of exhaustive research and an illegal DNA test performed by genetic scientists at the laboratories abandoned by The Ricki Lake show in the late 90’s, I’ve concluded that there is a significant statistical probability that: Donald Trump is probably Al Sharpton. The origin of this investigation began in one…
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The New Negro And The Lost Art Of Shutting The Fuck Up
A few weeks ago, a reporter spotted one of Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” baseball caps in Tom Brady’s locker. I won’t derail this article by going on a rant about how their definition of when America was “great” was either when negroes were docile, or even better — slaves. I won’t even mention…