mitt romney
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Utah Senator Mitt Romney Is Trying to Put Something on Your CashApp
Republican Mitt Romney better be careful before he starts getting pegged as a socialist. On Monday, the Utah senator called for an economic relief package that would include a $1,000 cash payment to all adult Americans to help aid those who are struggling during the coronavirus pandemic. “The House coronavirus response package contains critical measures…
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Introducing Pierre Delecto, the Twitter Burner Account Mitt Romney Has Been Hiding Behind for Almost a Decade
If you’re a celebrity or professional athlete, burner accounts are the hottest trend since cryptocurrency. In 2017, the internet descended into chaos when it was revealed that NBA superstar Kevin Durant was using a secret burner account to drag his former coach and teammates. Not one to miss out on a golden opportunity to defend…
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Mitt Romney Is America’s Thirstiest Politician
In case you didn’t see the news last week, Mitt Romney has decided that he will run for Senate from the great state of Utah in the 2018 midterms. Under most circumstances, a failed presidential party nominee running for a Senate seat wouldn’t be big news. It’d be the equivalent of LeBron James retiring to…
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Sen. Orrin Hatch Was Voted Into Congress the Same Year Atari 2600 Was Released; Now He’s Finally Set to Retire
Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch, the longest-serving Senate Republican, is finally leaving Congress. He has announced that he won’t be seeking re-election at the end of this year. The 83-year-old Hatch has served since 1977, when the Atari 2600 was released and came with nine games and two joysticks and sold for $199. Hatch has been…
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Donald Trump Would Rather Have Old-Ass Orrin Hatch Run Again Than Have Mitt Romney on the Senate: Report
President Donald Trump would rather have Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), who went to elementary school back when children wrote on papyrus using fossil bones, than have former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney take over his seat. According to Politico, Trump is reportedly courting the 83-year-old seven-term senator to run one more time to block Romney,…
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The 9 Rings of Donald Trump’s Administrative Hell
In Inferno, the first part of Dante Alighieri’s epic poem Divine Comedy, the titular character is guided through the nine circles of hell. The darker your crimes, the lower the levels of hell you descend to until you meet up with Satan himself, trapped at the center of it all. At the top are crimes…