Why (Some) Men Seem to be So Bothered by Cardi B's 'WAP,' Explained

This is dumb.

What?

Your entire premise.

What’s wrong with it?

Why would anyone in their right mind be bothered by waffles and pancakes? They’re delicious breakfast and brunch staples. The Anthony Davis of breakfast and brunch. And, even if you had celiac disease, there are gluten-free options. Do these men hate french toast too? You’re making this shit up to fill a weekly content quota, aren’t you?

You need to leave the house more. “WAP” refers to a new song and video from Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. It’s an acronym for “wet ass pussy.”

This is still dumb.

What?

Your entire premise.

What’s wrong with it?

Why would any man in his right mind be bothered by wet ass pussy? They’re delicious sex staples. The Anthony Davis of fucking. And, even if you had celiac disease, there are gluten-free options.

Gluten-free pussy options?

I’m sure you can find that at Trader Joe’s. But really? This is a thing?

Unfortunately, yes. Since the video’s release, there have been countless tweets, op-eds, videos, and Facebook status messages about how a song about lubrication efficiency is the sign of the apocalypse.

Even professional sheet cake person Ben Shapiro weighed in, and actually got on Kyrie Irving’s internet to share that he believes a WAP is a serious medical condition.

I don’t get it. Do these men not want women to enjoy sex?

So, I think that question is misframing the issue. Most men who have sex with women very much want women to enjoy the sex they’re having…with them. For no other (admittedly selfish) reason than the fact that her enjoyment makes it more likely that she’ll continue wanting to fuck you. Men also want women in porn to enjoy sex—or, at least, feign enjoyment. But both the porn sex and the sex-sex are centered in male desire and pleasure. The problem with men who have a problem with “WAP” have is agency. Cardi and Megan, in the song, are very direct with their expectations of a lover. Basically, if you’re not packing—either in your pants or in your wallet (or both)—you need not apply.

Basically, Cardi and Megan are telling these men that they don’t matter. It’s about the woman’s pleasure, the woman’s wants, the woman’s desires. And what you’re seeing, in the response, is a fear of inadequacy and sexual irrelevance. They just can’t handle being a non-motherfuckin’ factor.

Ah. Anything else?

It matters that there are no men in the video. And if you watch it, it’s not even so much about sex. They’re twerking and stripping and whatever, but mostly they’re just having goofy, silly, fun. The video takes place in a funhouse that belongs in a Tim Burton movie. It’s less porny than it’s campy—fun that exists without any male input or gaze.

Shit. I wish this was about waffles and pancakes now. At least the men mad at this would have a valid defense.

Me too.