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A Case for Why You Should Wash Your Hands Before You Go to the Bathroom, Too
A few weeks ago, while my wife and I were kicking it with some friends at a Pirates game, the subject turned to toilets. Namely, public toilets. Specifically, which establishments in the Pittsburgh area had the nicest bathroomsâa valuable consideration if you have an emergency situation and canât wait until you get home. Several places…
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I Felt Bad About Forgetting to Close My Garage Door Yesterday, But Then I Remembered I'm Not Bruce Hay
And I feel much better. Also, this blog is over now! Go continue the rest of your not-being-Bruce-Hay day! Bye!
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Yeah, Donald Trumpâs a Racist…and So Was Every Other American President
Remember that scene in literally every superhero origin story, when the superhero person did some super shit in public for the first time, and most people who witnessed it were like, âWhoa!!! That was some super shit! Who knew we had super people here?â (And then a few are like, âWell actually what just happened…
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How to Have an âAppropriately Chilled Kombucha Boy Summerâ
Itâs mid-July, which means itâs almost August, which means itâs almost fall, which means itâs almost that time of year when everything dies, which means youâll soon be contemplating your own dwindling mortality and inevitable death. Since we donât have much time left, we need to spend as much of it as possible living our…
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I've Been Married For 5 Years and I Still Don't Know What to Call My Mother-In-Law
Later this month, my wife and I will celebrate our five year anniversary. Which feels like an accomplishment. Not because getting and staying married makes you any specialer than those who ainât either of those things, but because I think we know each other well enough now to make a pragmatic decision on whether to…
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I'm My 'Ancestors' Wildest Dreams?' Nah, Bruh. I Ain't That Special
Maybe 15 years ago, upset that I couldnât remember the details of these epic dreams I kept having, I started leaving a notebook at my bedside to jot them down. âHa!,â I thought to myself, as I believed I finally found a method to capture my subconscious. âIâm clever as fuck!,â I also thought to…
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White People Are Boring
Soggy toilet paper sheet repurposed as a mesh romper for bougie chipmunks David Brooks emerged from his seltzer waterbed today to warn us that the Democrats will definitely lose the Presidential election if we donât remember to be as damp as he is. He is maybe not wrongâperhaps a can of La Croix might have…
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Why This All-White Memorial Day Weekend Sale at Macyâs Is the Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
1. Because reserving an entire section of the store for Memorial Day soirees, crispy cabaret linens, post-prom line-up BBQs and Kenny Lattimore jazz cruise brunches on skinny rivers proves that someone at Macyâs clearly did their research and knows weâre approaching prime âniggas throwing and/or attending parties where youâre mandated to wear all whiteâ party…
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They Donât Want to Preserve Life. They Just Want to Punish Women and Enact Pain
Last weekend, I was invited to a brunch hosted by Ebele Okobi, who is Facebookâs Head of Public Policy, Africa, and was my de facto tour guide and event planner during my week abroad. There were nine of us thereâan African diasporic reunion of black people scattered throughout the globe but settled in London. Among…
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Things Michael Rosfeld Can Do Today In Pittsburgh, America's Most Livable City, Because He's Free (And Antwon Rose Can't Because Michael Rosfeld Killed Him)
1. Watch a pierogi race at a Bucs game. 2. Ride the Duquesne incline down from Mt. Washington, and take in the cityâs amazing skyline. 3. Eat a Primanti Brothers sandwich in the Strip District or Oakland. 4. Ride the Phantomâs Revenge at Kennywood Park, and grab a funnel cake (with strawberries) to go on…
