-
You Don't Have to Ask About My New Baby When You See Me (You Can If You Want To! But It's Fine If You Don't!)
It’s too early to make a definitive determination, but I think my 3-year-old daughter has transitioned out of her Boss Baby stage. She no longer asks to watch Boss Baby when she returns home from preschool, she no longer hurls non sequitur quotes from it at me while she’s in her car seat, and she…
-
It Was Always Going to End Like This
There comes a point after you’ve consumed enough movies to be consciously cognizant of the rhythms and cadences of them that you’re able to recognize certain cinematic tells and predict outcomes based on them. A character randomly coughs in the first 15 minutes? He has cancer—or, if it’s a Tyler Perry movie, AIDS—and he’s probably…
-
A Screenshot of a Boat Shoe
Spoiled milk-filled boat shoe repurposed as a moat for mice with sentience Tucker Carlson is a person who exists in the world and is paid money to say things on TV. He is, also, a racist. Which is less an accusation or an insult and more just an articulation of a relatively mundane observation. He’s…
-
Maybe We Should Stop Wishing We Could Do What the Worst White People Do
Although black people wanting to get away with the things that white people seem to be able to do will always leave a bitter taste, I’d get it if the black people who do/did this sort of thing were a tad more ambitious. I’d be inclined to grant their whataboutisms more sympathy if they made…
-
A Live Look at ‘America’s Most Livable City’
According to the Economist Intelligence Unit, the organization that produces the annual Global Livability Index, Pittsburgh is America’s second most livable city. (Honolulu is first.) This is a status that Pittsburgh is proud of, bragging about and displaying it the way a parent might share their kid’s report card in a text thread. If I…
-
I Have a Son Now, Which Means I Can Finally Start Respecting Men as People
Last week, my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, bouncing baby boy. He is all the things that you hope new babies are. A blessing. Loud. Adorable. Soft. Precious. Gassy. Alert. Moderately bemused. Perpetually hangry. Vaguely human. Somewhat reminiscent of Fred Sanford. He is also life-changing. He’s our second child, but our first boy—my…
-
A List of Things the Tenaha, Texas Police Department Can Do With the $70 They 'Seized' In a 'Drug Bust' Last Week
1. Buy five whole orders of the surprisingly filling Vietnamese Shrimp Summer Rolls at The Cheesecake Factory. 2. Catch a Greyhound from Pittsburgh to Hampton, Va., on Friday the 14th—but only if you book the trip in the next two hours and use the code GREY4CHAR. 3. Pay the parking ticket I got last month…
-
Quiz: How Hotep Were You In College?
Although the people who’ve come to be known as hoteps get a bad rap today, I have a measure of sympathy for them because I went through a moderate hotep phase in college — something I know many 35-to-45 year old black people can definitely relate to. Basically, being a hotep is like smoking weed.…
