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A (Still Growing) List of People I Suspect Are Made of Cake
1. Terry Crews 2. Bari Weiss 3. Kendrick Perkins 4. Andrew Sullivan 5. Betsy Devos 6. Pigeon Shit Shoulder Boy 7. Bill Maher 8. J.K. Rowling 9. Jared Kushner 10. Van Jones 11. Jada Pinkett Smith 12. Trashcan Leprechaun 13. Ron DeSantis 14. Ted Cruz 15. Jason Whitlock 16. This one woman I met in…
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Is Chance the Rapper Secretly Just A Human-Sized Sheet Cake? (Probably!)
Chance the Rapper is a rapper who raps about the sort of things youâd expect a rapper with âRapperâ in their rap name to rap about. If you are not familiar with him or his work, the best way to describe him and it is âaggressively earnest.â Think of a trade school admissions counselor who…
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What Would Be an Appropriate Consequence (Or Punishment) for Someone Like Amy Cooper?
Thereâs a scene in Gone Baby Gone where Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) is deep in the white hoods of Boston, and he runs into two dopeboys he knowsâone Black and one white. After greeting the Black one, he turns to speak to the white one. Patrick Kenzie: How you been, Chris? Chris: Better than you.…
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We Just Can't Afford to Stay This Fucking Stupid
I was remindedâwhile threading together my thoughts on Stephen Jacksonâs defense of DeSean Jacksonâs defense of…Adolf Hitlerâof an article I read in 2016 or 2017 I think, about Donald Trump. In it, it was revealed that Trump was somewhat surprised that so many Black people despise him, because, up until he ran for president, heâd…
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A List of Things Longer Than the Confederacy Was
1. The (still growing) gap between Anti and whatever Rihanna decides to release when sheâs bored hawking drawers to thirsty Deltas. 2. The not-yet-produced comprehensive oral history of Shaun Kingâs greatest âinvestment opportunities.â 3. The (approximate) driving distance between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. 4. The stretch of time between middle and high school when I was…
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Yeah, It's Time to Bury the Cutesy 'Karen' Nickname for Dangerous White Women
If the COVID-19 crisis hadnât introduced zeitgeist-crashing terms like âcoronavirusâ and âsocial distancingâ to our lexicon, âKarenâ might have very well been the word of 2020. There have been explainers about itâone of which I wrote to distinguish it from âBecky.â There have been arguments over whether itâs racist (LOLOL) and misogynist (well…more on that…
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So NASCAR's Official Response to Bubba Wallace Was 'We Just Have Random Nooses Around Sometimes' and That's It???
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HOLY SHIT I KNOW THIS AINâT FUNNY THIS IS AWFUL THIS IS TERRIBLE THIS IS HATEFUL THIS IS MISSISSIPPI BURNING THIS IS A NOOSE ON THE LOOSE BUT HOW DEEPLY HOW THOROUGHLY HOW HILARIOUSLY RACIST MUST YOUR ORGANIZATION BE FOR âTHAT WASNâT A NOOSE OF HATE. THAT WAS JUST OUR TUESDAY NOOSE. HIS NAME…
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'Aunt Jemima Was Canceled' Says Very Sad White Woman Upset About Black Lives Matter and…Pancake Syrup
According to their grammatically-challenged Twitter bio, Turning Point USA is a âStudent Movement for Freedom, Free Markets, Limited Government.â While I wonât quite call them Hitler Youth USA, I wouldnât not call them Hitler Youth USA, either. (But you can call them Hitler Youth USA if you want!) Again, I will not call them Hitler…
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The Rich Dad Poor Dad Guy Is a Racist, Idiot Trump Supporter So Please STFU About That Shitty Book Forever
People who pray at this altar are specifically susceptible to the sort of symbiotic grift that has made Robert Kiyosaki a rich man.
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'Karen McMuffin' Just Had a Human Moment Under Stress…Which Is Why No Human Should Have the Legal Right to Kill
In 2018, after a long and hard day of writing blogs about white privilege and gluten-free pancakes, I drove to the Wendyâs a few blocks from my house to get a Baconater, a frosty, and some fries. When I pulled up to the drive-thru window, the cashier said it might be a while because they…
